Something for everyone: from Pitchfork to Shrek

Kate took this pic

This weekend had a little something for everyone, grown-ups and children alike. First, Josh and I took the kids to Union Park for day 2 of the Pitchfork Musical Festival on Saturday. It was decidedly for us versus for them, but after a lot of initial whining from Ada ("It's hot. It's loud. I hate this place."), they enjoyed their free ice cream and sunglasses. Ada rocked out to The Breeders with me and Zoe brushed up on bad words by wandering around, reading the t-shirts and rings for sale in the craft tent. ("There was the F-word and the S-word...")

 Sunday, we tagged along to a kid show, seeing Shrek The Musical at the Chicago Shakespeare Theatre at Navy Pier. And just as our children ultimately had a good time at Pitchfork, Josh and I enjoyed Shrek almost as much as Zoe and Ada. I hadn't seen the movie in many years, but this live stage performance brought it all back: the farting, burping ogre; his jive-talking donkey sidekick; the diminutive Prince Farquood and all the other mixed-up fairy tale characters. Only Puss in Boots was missing in action.

It's a funny show and fast-paced--the whole thing is only 85 minutes (no intermission). I brought a picnic lunch for us to enjoy afterwards in the gardens outside of the theatre, but Ada saw a few wasps on the flowers and completely flipped out. Instead of riding the carnival-style swings as planned, we had to hightail it out of there. Which is kind of a shame because CST offers the best parking deal on Navy Pier--about $14 for the whole day.

Mom's lap/bug defense zone

Happy 6th birthday, Ada!

Ada, looking at your lean limbs and confident stance, it's clear you're growing up and ready for 1st grade.

This year you became a more capable reader and excelled in your Montessori kindergarten. Just this summer you learned to ride a bike and aced the summer camp swim test, earning the coveted green wristband of freedom. My little thrill seeker, you'll jump at the chance to hurl yourself off the diving board, go down a water slide or ride a carnival roller coaster by yourself.

You're also a ham. The only thing you like more than attending musicals is being in the spotlight yourself. You loved your dance and theatre classes at SCAW (Summer Community Arts Workshops), and you're forever sitting me down on the couch to watch an over-the-top performance in which you gleefully play all the roles--director, narrator, dancer and all the roles.

And you're pretty good, too. You stayed in character for the overly long SCAW play, you recognize and sing along to pop and rock songs on the radio, and you can pick out a lot of tunes on the piano, having started lessons this past winter.

You are a true extrovert. You make friends wherever you go and are outwardly affectionate with all of them. When I visited you at camp, I marveled to see so many other kids run up and hug you and say hello. You had a sweet way of intertwining your arm with theirs and leaning in close to whisper in their ears. And be they family, friends, teachers or counselors--you love to sit on people's laps, hold their hands and touch their skin and hair. 

If I had a wish for you this year, it would be that you expand your limited palette (like your parents) and learn to love books (as much as your sister), but keep nurturing all those other fabulous qualities that make you uniquely Ada.

Happy 5th birthday, Ada!
Happy 4th birthday, A!
Happy 3rd birthday, A!
Happy 2nd birthday, A
Happy 1st birthday, A

Interview with an (almost) 6 year old

Ada and Oscar, buddies.

Although I'm not 100% consistent, I like to interview my children around their birthdays. Since Ada's birthday is fast approaching, here's an update from the inside of her head.

What's your favorite color? Blue.

Your favorite animal? Bunny.

TV show? Phineas & Ferb

What's your favorite toy? American Girl Dolls.

What's your favorite book? Rapunzel.

Do you have a favorite song? Ode to Joy.

What's your favorite thing to wear? Dress.

What's your favorite sport? Piano.

What's your favorite restaurant? Salernos!

Your favorite cereal? Kix.

Your favorite food? Pizza.

What do you like to do at school? Draw pictures.

What are your best friends? Aminatta, Jenna and Lyric. And Ella!

Where would you like to go on vacation this year? To Australia where there is penguins.

What do you want to be when you grow up? A hair salonist.

Where do you want to live when you grow up? Oak Park.

Do you plan to have children? Yes.

How many? Two.

Boys or girls? Girls. That are twins. Wait, I mean a boy and a girl that are twins.

Will you have pets? Yes. My pet is going to be a cat.

If you could change your name, what would you pick? Violet.

What do you love about Mommy? She is soft and warm and chubby.

I'm chubby? Yeah. I mean look at your arm, it’s all chubby!

What do you love about Daddy? He’s grumpy, dark and he looks like me.

What do you love about your sister? It’s hard to think of my sister. She’s funny.

What would you like to do when you’re 6 years old? Get my nails done.

Do you have a birthday wish? A new flashlight, because my flashlight’s gone.

Fearless swimmers!

Interview with an (almost) 4 year old -- Ada
Interview with an (almost) 6 year old -- Zoe
Interview with Zoe on her 8th birthday

The Jungle Book at The Goodman Theatre

"Hey Zoe, since I took Ada to Oliver! you get to come with me to see The Jungle Book!"
"Is it at the middle school?"
"No, it's at the Goodman Theatre, near my office downtown."
"Then I don't want to see it."

Zoe missed out.

Almost 6 year old Ada and I had a wonderful time seeing Mary Zimmerman's new musical adaptation of "The Jungle Book," which is based on both the Disney animation and Rudyard Kipling's book. It's been updated with Indian-inspired music, dance and costumes for a delightful, eye-popping show that could very well follow in the paw prints of Broadway's The Lion King.

I loved every minute of the show, but the highlights for me were seeing (and hearing) "Colonel Hathi's March (The Elephant Song)," "I Wanna Be Like You," and "Bare Necessities." "The Jungle Book" was one of my very first records and I spent so much time looking at the record sleeve I can close my eyes and picture it. Now I have new imagery to recall--like the undulating hoops of Baloo's costume that helped actor Kevin Carolan lumber in a very convincingly bear-like fashion; the wolves' tails, which popped straight up when they were alarmed; and the elephants, essentially upright soldiers with large gray ears and wrinkled boots. I should note that all of the animal costumes were suggestive rather than realistic (think an orange striped maharaja-style outfit for Shere Khan), but the actors brought them to life through such convincingly animal-like movements and gestures. Look out for the scene when Kaa hypnotizes Mowgli--the snake is actually a mesmerizing dance performed by the ensemble with children's plastic balls.

The Jungle Book is appropriate for all ages, but at 2 hours 15 minutes long, it probably is best for kids old enough to sit still for extended periods of time.

Our weeklong test drive of the Ford C-MAX

Josh and I are slowly readjusting to our 2005 Honda CR-V after spending a week behind the wheel of a brand-new Ford C-MAX. Frankly, going back to an older, unsexy, non-hybrid car is hard. I'm suffering from withdrawal.

A little background on the C-MAX. It's basically Ford's answer to the Toyota Prius. Unlike the Hyundai Sonata or the Honda Civic, you don't get to choose between hybrid and traditional gas engines (paying a premium for the former). The C-MAX is all-hybrid (regular hybrid or plug-in hybrid). It's heavier and roomier and way more fun to drive than a Prius, but both Josh and I were disappointed we never quite reached the lofty 47/47 mpg promised.

In fact, driving like a cautious old lady — easing out from a full stop, gliding slowly to a halt, and generally adhering to the speed limit, with few exceptions —  Josh was once able to average around 40 or so mpg, and that factored in 10 minutes of circling around O’Hare, waiting for me to get off my flight from San Diego. Driving like a normal human, we got closer to 30mpg, which is not bad, but not great, given that is around what the much bigger and more powerful Toyota Highlander hybrid supposedly gets.

Boo: 29.1 MPG, Yay: 3/4 tank after 1 week of driving

That said, there’s something noble about a car that rewards better driving habits with better mileage. Sure, that holds true for conventional engines as well, but our CR-V would never get close to 30 or 35 mpg no matter how carefully we drove. Dashboard graphics make getting better mileage into something close to a game, and a fun one at that.

The environmental appeal of hybrids is very attractive, at least as far as emissions go (materials/battery production/disposal is another matter). But there are other positive environmental considerations as well, such as the quiet driving and idling, which cuts down on ambient street noise. We've also heard stories of hybrid drivers getting 500k to the car, which is incredible. (I believe the premium pays for itself once you make it to 75k, or somewhere between 5 and 10 years.)

Josh had read horror stories about the operation of the hands-free trunk opener, but it not only worked for us, it frequently came in handy. I loved walking up to the car with the key fob in my bag and having the doors unlock. Then, a quick kick under the rear bumper and the liftgate would swing open (or closed). Very handy for a parent carrying a child or an armload of groceries.


The backseat was spacious for two children in booster seats and quite comfortable for the two adult friends I put back there for the 30 minute drive to and from King Spa.

I miss navigating the car's large touchscreen to control the climate, browse through satellite radio and access the built-in navigation system. My next car will definitely need to have Sirius, push-button keyless start, voice command, and Bluetooth connectivity with my phone. (I should mention here than as much as Josh also enjoyed exploring satellite radio, he thought the stereo was "boomy and boxy.")

I would also like my next car to have the responsive handling and fun-to-drive pep of the Ford C-MAX. It reminded me a bit of the VW Jetta and Beetle.

But here's the rub: our next car really should be a 6 or 7 seater. With two elementary-aged girls, we're right in the thick of car pools and play dates and as nice as it would be to enjoy the C-MAX's bells and whistles...It is actually a bit smaller than our current ride. We ought to go bigger. And the pool of hybrid vehicles from which to choose is really small. It's basically the Highlander. Which is nice and all, but a whopping $20k more than the C-MAX and not nearly as fun to drive.

I guess it's a good thing we won't be making a car purchase until we close on our new home. If we wait long enough, we may end up seeing some new car options come onto the market.

The night Zoe ran away with the circus

Thursday evening at 5:15pm, I hop on the train. It's early and I've been working long hours, but I'm not going to miss Zoe's 6:30 circus show. The sun is shining under partly cloudy skies as I leave the office. By the time the El emerges above ground, around 5:40, Josh texts me to ask if I have an umbrella with me.

No, I type back, why? He replies something about noisy thunder and, indeed, I see a few sprinkles outside the train.

Then, about one or two stops from home (it's 5:50 now), the sky opens up with the biggest, most intense rainstorm I've ever experienced. It was positively hurricane like. The ramp leading from the Oak Park blue line station to Oak Park Avenue is covered and has walls about 2/3 of the way up each side. And yet, the rain was so wild, so horizontal, even those carrying umbrellas were soaked clear through in a matter of seconds.

Josh picked me up,  but I was so thoroughly drenched I had to strip off all my clothes--undies included--the minute we got home.

As soon as I'd changed and Zoe put on her "outer space-inspired" costume, it was time to head out for her 4-week Circus Performance Camp showcase. The rain stopped as we stepped outside and a beautiful double rainbow followed our route to Beye School.


And that is when my phone camera stopped cooperating with me. A combination of low battery, quick act changes and user error kept me from recording any video of Zoe's amazing circus acts. She performed a combination of tumbling, dance and prop manipulation in the opening combination, twisted herself into a pretzel while hanging in the silks and got to be the star of the acrobatics routine. At one point, she and another small girl latched onto each other--head to legs--and did a series of double cartwheels and attached front walkovers. She has video of them doing something like 40 in a row on her camera, so we'll post that at some point.

This is the sole evidence of Zoe's participation.
It was a fantastic show and Zoe loved the camp so much she's said she'd like to be enrolled every summer she's eligible. "When I'm 9 and 10 and 11 and 12 and 13!"

Peek at the renderings of our new house

As promised, I'm sharing the 3-D renderings for our new home. Our builder will be submitting the plans to the village this week, but we've warned they've very slow to approve. Anything less than 6 weeks is considered "lucky."

Exterior view (houses on each side not pictured)

First floor, front of the house

First floor, rear of the house

Living room

The living room will have built-in shelves along the west wall, which you'll walk through/under to get to the dining room. This rendering isn't 100% accurate as I've moved the coat closet next to the stairs to the foyer. It makes the foyer a little more cramped, but opens up a lovely space just beyond the steps where we can (eventually) place an upright piano.

This view of the dining room is from the "hallway" near the kitchen versus the living room.

Family/breakfast nook

There is a family room off of the kitchen where we can watch TV from a couch and eat casual meals. Pictured is the L-shaped breakfast nook bench built into the northeast corner. If you look at the birds-eye view of the first floor, you can see the mudroom off the family room.

Second floor

Here's a fly-over view of the second floor. In the front of the house is the master bedroom, with two large walk-in closets and a master bath with double sinks. There's a second floor laundry room (!) and two linen closets, one in the hall and one in the master bath

All three of the other bedrooms are larger than my kids' current bedrooms and they also have decent sized closets. The hallway bath has two separate vanities, which initially struck me as quite unusual, but which I think my girls will love having as they grow into adolescence.

Another view of second floor

I don't have any renderings of the basement, but it will be partially furnished, with an additional full bath.

As for the exterior, the house will be sided or shingled with Hardie Board, a maintanence-free composite that looks remarkably like real wood. I haven't decided on a color yet.

Next week I start picking the finishes for my kitchen and baths. Starting from scratch might seem little overwhelming, but I joined Houzz and started some ideabooks so I could capture inspiring interiors to reference throughout the design process. Turns out I really like white cabinetry, dark countertops and industrial pendant lighting.

Zoe and Hank, then and now

Hank and Zoe, then.

At the end of a perfect Father's Day (presents, pool and movie date), as Josh relaxed with the fellow dads at a packed Scoville Park concert, I watched Zoe and Hank run around together.

And I realized they've been running around together for half their lives. Right then and there I decided to replicate a wonderful photo I took of them in the same exact place 3 years ago, when they were younger than Ada is now.

As I snapped it, they suggested I take their photo again when they're 11. And when they're 14, 17 and 20.

Hank and Zoe, now

We're moving!

I posted back in March about our adventures in house hunting. We weren't having much luck finding a bigger (but not too much bigger) house with a master bathroom, four bedrooms, an open kitchen/family room and a finished basement. In Oak Park. In our school district.

So we're building one! Sort of.

Baronger Group, the same guys who own Oak Park Bath and Kitchen, buy and renovate houses in Oak Park. Typically, those houses are mid-to-high end gut rehabs designed on spec and flipped onto the MLS. But they've also shopped their projects to local realtors. Get in early, and you can customize the house to your specifications. It turns out Baronger Group was about to buy a rundown bungalow in the neighborhood we wanted to be in. It's on a quiet street. A 2 1/2 block walk to the elementary school. A 3 block walk to the train. 

I called every one of the references Baronger Group sent me, toured a completed house and drove around Oak Park spying on other houses they've rehabbed before I felt confident enough to sign on the dotted line (and make a down payment).

It doesn't look like much now, but it should be my dream house come November!

Wanting to see it "before," we toured the bungalow with Baronger Group owner Mitch Goldstein this morning. Zoe and Ada were horrified. The greasy wallpaper, the filthy pea green sculptured carpet, the dark and frankly scary basement...they wanted to get out of there! It's hard to imagine that this place will be a two story house with every contemporary creature comfort: air conditioning, modern appliances, gleaming hardwood floors...and a enough bathrooms for everyone in the family to go at the same time!

Last Friday we met with an architect to finalize the floor plans. I'll share those and the 3-D renderings I've been promised soon.

In the meantime, we've been readying our 3 bedroom, 1.5 bath American Four Square for the market. Given that we can't move until our new house is complete, we probably won't list it until August or September. But in case you know of anyone who'd love to move to a fantastic location in Oak Park (walking distance to the Blue Line, Sen Sushi and more), here's a sneak peek at our listing photos.

Saturday at the Art Institute with Ada

Thanks to my company's corporate sponsorship of the Art Institute, I was able to go for free on Saturday. My plan had been to bring the whole family, but Zoe was recovering from a sleepover the night before and was super grumpy.

Ada was thrilled to have me all to herself, and I marveled at her stamina as she walked from our house to the train, the train to the Art Institute, up and down the halls of the museum, through Millennium Park and Daley Plaza and back home. I earned my 15k step badge on my Fitbit, and my legs are twice as long as hers!

When we arrived at the Art Institute, Ada marched up to the information desk and asked the way to Mary Cassatt, one of her favorite painters. We looked through all the American Art galleries and then headed to the Modern Wing, where there were a bunch of family activities, including self-portraiture.


After the Art Institute, we checked out the crowds at Millennium Park's fountain and Cloud Gate--or, as Ada calls it "The Big Bean."


We heard a dozen different languages as people snapped pictures and marveled over our beautiful city. We even got to see a Quincenera party pose for portraits with the Bean in the background.

Ada graduates from Montessori school

WSMSGraduation from almaklein on Vimeo.
It's the end of an era. After six straight years with a child enrolled at WSMS (including 2 during which I served as board co-president), we're leaving this amazing community. At the Graduation picnic, Ada and her fellow kindergarteners sang (see the snippet above) before getting their white "Graduate" t-shirts and handing out slices of cake (all school traditions).

Ada and her teacher for the past 3 years, Ms Orfei

Ada upon entering preschool

We've made our best friends among the parents at WSMS, so moving on is definitely bittersweet. But Ada's looking forward to summer camp and then first grade, and she'll be at the same school as her big sister for two whole years before they're on completely different schedules again.

I'd like to thank my Mom

My mom and dad

The longer I mother my two girls, the more I appreciate my own mother. So, in honor of Mother's Day, here's a list of things I'd like to thank her for. I'm not my mother's spitting image and our personalities, career paths and lifestyles are pretty different, but there are quite a few ways I'm doing my best to follow her example.

Thank you, Mom for...

1. Cooking from scratch and expecting everyone to show up for dinner.
2. Never once mentioning your weight or dieting.
3. Teaching me how to write. And rewrite.
4. Reading to me long past when I could read to myself.
5. Enrolling me in piano lessons and renting me a cello despite my utter lack of musical talent.
6. Making sure I was capable of cooking, laundry and checkbook balancing before I left home.
7. Attending almost all my high school plays and yet skipping 90% of my athletic games, and refusing to feel guilty about it.
8. Talking about how much you enjoyed your job.
9. Exposing me to the arts.
10. Never once apologizing for letting the grownups have more fun.

My overly personal and specific Mother's Day gift guide

One of the "perks" of being a mom blogger (even a lazy, part-time blogger like myself) is the onslaught of unsolicited Mother's Day gift guide pitches for items I would never in a million years wish for or recommend anyone else buy.

But what makes me happy may very well work for another like-minded mom and I'm not above dropping hints, so here's my highly personalized guide to Mother's Day gifts.

1. A new handbag. I am not one of those amazing women who coordinates her handbag to her outfits. I pick a bag and I wear. It. Out. My current crossbody bag, purchased at an art fair last November, is getting pretty dingy, so I'm eyeing a new one. Like this hippy-chic turquoise bag on Etsy or this orange crossbody from Fossil. Tip: don't try and substitute a cute tote for a handbag; a girl like me needs lots of pockets--interior and exterior--to keep things like my CTA card, my keys and my phone organized.

2. A fitbit. A growing group of friends and relatives have been singing the praises of the fitbit, which is basically a high tech pedometer. It tracks your steps and uploads them to your computer or mobile device and the information can be synched with an app like MyFitnessPal so you can track calories in against calories out. I'm not trying to lose weight, but I find that quantifying what I'm doing (or not doing) is highly motivating. Now if the mom you're buying for is sensitive about her size, you may want to tread lightly here. Either talk in general terms about the movement toward Quantified Self to gauge her interest or buy 2 fitbits and promise to compete for the most activity.

3. You can't go wrong with a highly useful and tasteful accessory like small gold hoop earrings or a striped summer weight scarf.

4. And you definitely can't go wrong with a gift certificate for a mani-pedi or massage (Well-Come Spa is my favorite place in Oak Park). Better yet, book the appointment and arrange to take the kids elsewhere while mom gets pampered. I don't believe I've ever let a gift certificate expire, but I've heard some martyr moms have. Don't let it happen!

If my overly specific ideas don't appeal, let me suggest you shop at my friend Alana's brand new Nest Vintage Modern storefront in LaGrange for an amazing selection of vintage inspired home and personal goods. Or memorialize your mom's best advice on a custom piece of art from my cousin Ann's new mixed media Etsy store. 

The Vidal Sassoon Pop-Up Salon is coming!

Once in great a while my blog and my job intersect, and this week is one of those times. I've been helping work on the relaunch of Vidal Sassoon hair care, and one of the ways we're bringing the brand to life is by bringing actual Vidal Sassoon pop-up salons to unexpected places—like your local drug or grocery store—and surprising women with a transformative hair styling experience.

We're doubling down on the Chicago event this Thursday to make it extra special, and to help get the word out I was able to engage my friends Sara and Caitlin from 2 Moms Media (both of whom I met through this here blog). They are helping Vidal Sassoon throw a VIP preview party and promote the event. Follow along on Instagram and Twitter with the hashtag #VSChi or better yet, come to the flagship Walgreens at the corner of State & Lake between noon and 7pm this Thursday and get your hair done by a genuine Vidal Sassoon stylist.

I'm so excited for this event because I feel passionately about hair and its power to make women feel good about themselves, and this pop-up salon has really dramatized that for so many women. Discovering the Curly Girl Method made me love my hair for the first time, and cutting my curls super short a few months ago still garners me near-daily compliments (thank you Sonya!). But whether or not anyone says a word about my appearance, how I feel about my day is closely tied to how I feel I look. And how I feel about my look is at least 50% related to my hair.

Oliver! review -- It's like Annie with boys!

I've written before about my girls' obsession with musical theatre. It hit fever pitch this year after I took them to see OPRF's 110-person production of Les Miserables and Fenwick's The Wiz.

But after treating myself to The Book of Mormon (not for kids!) I wanted to check out more professional family-friendly fare in addition to our steady diet of high school and middle school productions.

So last Sunday Ada and I attended Oliver! at the Drury Lane Theatre in Oakbrook Terrance (near the mall). "Why are there so many grandmas and grandpas here?" asked Ada, as we entered the sparkling, Vegas-like lobby. Indeed, the matinee audience was at least three-quarters retirees, with the rest composed of families with elementary-aged children.

Within the theatre, we found plush seats, great sight lines and well-calibrated sound. And when the lights went down, we were captivated by a very solid, very professional production. Oliver!, as you might surmise, is based on the story of Oliver Twist. Even my five year old identified the parallels between this story of a poor young orphan from long ago who discovers his real family quite by accident and that of a certain red-haired orphan and her "Hard-Knock Life." While I'd never seen the musical before, I recognized songs like "Food Glorious Food" and "Consider Yourself."

Ada and I were both impressed by the kid actors. Oliver is played by a very talented 11 year old from Wisconsin, but the Artful Dodger and all the boys from the workhouse and Fagin's gang were great and ranged in age from 7 (maybe younger?) to 14.

In addition to all the young talent, this production of Oliver! is a family affair. The show is directed and choreographed by Berwyn resident Rachel Rockwell, whose son Jake Helm plays one of Fagan's orphans and whose mother Glory Kissel has the role of the grandfather's housekeeper Mrs. Bedwin. And that's not all: the director's husband is the sound designer and her son's godfather is an actor and associate director.

As much as we enjoyed it, Oliver! ticket prices start at $35 and no kids under 5 are permitted, so if you're looking for a specifically child-friendly, low-cost show, you're better off waiting for Suessical, which opens at Drury Lane on April 24 and features $12 tickets and $22 character brunch + show packages.

Mortality

This isn't a post about Roger Ebert, may his memory be a blessing.

One of Ada's Montessori classmates--the younger sister of one of her best friends--has leukemia. She was diagnosed a month ago and the chemo is already working. It's not my daughter, but it hit so close to home. To know she's virtually guaranteed to recover--something we learned yesterday--I can finally exhale.

Mostly. Because one of the risks of getting older is that mortality sneaks up around every corner. I've had 3 friends experience stillbirth. Another one's baby died of SIDS. Brain cancer claimed a colleague. And a heart attack took my dad at 55. And while Aria is going to kick cancer's butt, I have another friend whose child's brain cancer may prove incurable. It's awful and terrifying and heartbreaking, and all I know how to do is send food and the occasional awkward message of support.

Ada, Grandpa and his beloved cat

And then there's my father-in-law. He's been diagnosed with  posterior cortical atrophy, a variant of Alzheimer's disease. He's only 70, but suddenly seems much older. We visited with him--and over a dozen other relatives--last week for spring break.

Josh with John, 23

And while it was sad and  frustrating to see such an accomplished physician requiring sticky notes to remember the day of the week and his favorite TV channels, life marches onward and upward. The cousins I cradled as babies are enrolled in college. One's graduating next month!

Playing "rich people" in a creek

Josh's cousin, whose bar mitzvah I attended a decade ago, is working in finance and living with roommates and seems like such a nice, well-adjusted grown up. My mother is semi-retired. And perhaps most importantly, my children are potty trained book readers who can buckle their own seat belts, carry their own suitcases and disappear for whole hours in a land of make-believe.

Does this mean I'm a grown-up too? And if so, why do I still feel like an impostor half the time?