You see, Josh left to review a show last night and both girls were up late, fighting sleep and in tears two short hours after I was bragging about how easy they were to a prospective babysitter. And today I earned parenting demerits from Josh for making Buckeyes batter before lunch, for failing to get A to nap, and for letting the kids play at the park too long.
Good thing perfect parenting is overrated. In their new book Good Enough is the New Perfect: Finding Happiness and Success in Modern Motherhood (out April 19th), Becky Beaupre Gillespe and Hollee Schwartz Temple, the work-life balance columnists for the American Bar Association Journal, interview dozens of working women and comb through hundreds of surveys to determine what makes us happy. The answer, not surprisingly, is that the "good enoughs" among us are happier with our jobs, our spouses and our children than the "never enoughs." And while in our culture of perfectionist overachievers "good enough" is often interpreted as "you suck,"between the demands of our children, our jobs, our spouses and our own personal needs, something has to give. And it shouldn't be our happiness. Because you know what they say, if mama ain't happy, ain't no one happy.Fortunately, I am happy. One of the hardest things about Josh and my gender-role reversal is I have to accept that--through practice and familiarity--he has become the more adept parent. He knows our children's routines and can read their moods better than I can. The bonus points I earned from breastfeeding and baby soothing (especially late at night) have long since expired.
My happiness comes from hanging up my supermom cape and realizing that my kids are thriving regardless of whether or not I'm packing every lunch, volunteering as room mom or watching them at swim practice. Not only that, I have obligations that take me away from my family multiple evenings a month. But I refuse to feel guilty about maintaining my friendships, nurturing my passions and staying fit.
That said, I need to re-master the bedtime routine if I'm even going to qualify as a "good enough" mom.
Disclosure: I received a review copy of the book at no cost. I was not required to write about it and all opinions expressed are my own.
7 comments:
As both a wife and a mother, you're much, much more than merely "good enough.' You work too hard, both at home and away, to settle for any description so middling. Besides, what does "good enough" even mean to kids who love you so much they don't even want to sleep when you're around?
Thank you for reviewing our book! To me, "good enough" isn't about settling or mediocrity. It's about the essential capitulation that we can't be "the best" at everything, all the time. If my kids and husband feel cared for and loved, that's good enough to me. It might not be to someone else (who, for example, places a premium on neatness and organization), but for me, it works!
You are awesome for admitting that Josh is the more adept parent and being okay with it. Plus you've got serious mommy mojo of your own, at least standing next to me. Josh is just a really tough act to follow.
Also I would like to borrow that book, please.
Good enough means recognizing that perfection will put everyone over the edge. Who wants to live there? Sometimes good enough is perfect.
I will soon purchase this book. This is useful in making out the best thing to do for a family. This publication is a great help.
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