Now I'm no Jamie Lynn Spears, the Nickelodeon star knocked up at 16, but Josh and I did start a family earlier than most. I was 28 years old when Z was born, and according to the Washington Post, only 31 percent of college-educated women 25-29 have kids. The article interviews women in their late twenties and early thirties who feel alienated by older moms and shut out by their childless friends.
I don't regret starting motherhood relatively young. Conception and pregnancy were trouble-free and I've got the energy necessary to deal with sleep deprivation and hyper young children. And while there's always the danger of being mommytracked, I feel that motherhood at this stage is good for my career. By the time I'm promoted into positions requiring more responsibility and travel, my children will older and more independent. I won't be a VP with a newborn.
Still, I'm usually the youngest parent in the room. Unlike many of the other moms and dads at Z's preschool, I wasn't born in the sixties. I didn't plaster my bedroom walls with Duran Duran posters, and I don't have fond memories of my 20th high school reunion. But I do have a few very close friends in their forties. And for us our relationship is less about a shared history and more about our present: We can relate to each other because we have kids the same age.
Cross-posted to Chicago Moms Blog
12 comments:
I am surprised that so many of the parents in Zoe's pre school are in their 40's. They did wait a long time for kids! At 28 I never thought of you as young when you had Zoe. I guess I am use to Ann who was 23 when she got pregnant and will be only in her 40's when her kids are driving! I was nearly 30 when Mike was born and I definitely hadn't wanted to wait that long. Interesting article, though!
Aunt Sus
I was 23 when Lilly was born. I look like the babysitter half the time!
I truly believe that the average age of parenthood is much higher in large cities and on the east coast and lower in the midwest and western states. It seemed like all of my sisters friend in DC were having kids much later in life and it was normal to wait until late twenties or early thirties to get married. Here in Indiana, most people get married between 23 and 28 and have babies soon thereafter. I was 26 when I had my daughter and that was actually older than some of my friends.
It seems like my generation waited longer to have kids. Even most of my girlfriends who are in their early and mid 40s are just sort of starting a family like me.
And yup ---- I had the Duran Duran and Culture Club posters and have some very fond memories of my 2oth HS reunion. Damn I feel old!
:-)MJ
It definitely depends on where you are in the country. My sister was 31 when she adopted her first baby, and always feels like the oldest mom in the class. She lives in suburban/almost rural Minnesota. I have tons of friends in Chicago who didn't start until they were 30.
I have a friend who had her first at 36, and her doctor said she was too old, but all his other patients were 23 and younger, in rural Maryland.
I had my first at 33 and my second at 36, and I kind of feel like I'm in the middle - not a "young" mom, not an "older" mom.
And as far as being more career-focused when they are older, it's been my experience so far that they need me MORE now, in a different more psychologically challenging way, than they did when they were infants / toddlers / preschoolers.
If anything, I'd love to be able to take a career break or even downshift when they are in high school. Unfortunately, I don't see that happening.
Nancy A.
I started having my children at 22. It's weird to think that I will for the third year in a row win the youngest mom award in the church. It's fun tho. I like being young and having kids. No regrets.
Around here, it depends a lot on your education level and profession. In graduate school, very few people have kids. In fact, I'm the first in my College to have two children while still in grad school. Then again, most people are in their mid or late twenties, early thirties at the most. Folks that don't do the grad school thing seem to have children younger around here...twenties or so. I was 27 when I met my husband, 28 when I got married, 29 when my first was born, 31 when my second was born, and will probably be 32ish and 34ish when my two hopeful future children are born. In academia (where I will eventually work) that is VERY young for having children. But then again, lots of those women don't have children at all.
I had no idea I was "not the norm." Gosh! Between waiting until we are older and then MD's telling us our eggs are deteriorating past a certain age. . . the "window" for having our children is sure getting smaller! I graduated college, had a career, got married, had two babies. . .I am 35 now and had no idea I was considered young!
I was 26 when Sean was born and 29 when I had the B-man. I didn't think this was young at all. It's funny to me that the age for having children has moved so much. I guess in our world today women must be waiting longer.
I am glad I had my boys when I did. Being a mom takes A LOT of energy.
I think it's defintely tied to the marriage thing. We were the first generation to see more than 50% of our parents get divorced. Primarily because they felt they got married to soon and didn't get a chance to do the things they wanted to do. We were determined not to repeat these mistakes.
I live in Il..and im 18. I dont have kids yet,,,but almost all og my generation is pregant...we got 14 15 year olds with two kids...19year olds with 3. I mean everyone is prego.
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